It can be written and drawn in pages on child psychology. But there's one factor that's integral to him that if we don't address him, everything we're going to talk about is incomplete. The father figure is effective in everything from the socio-state development of the child, academic, professional status, and even the structure of future relationship building. If we ignore the father while trying to understand the child's world, one foot of the table will always be limp. Let me underline from the beginning: Father, it is a vital part of secure attachment. A model in which only the mother is cared for and the father is eliminated is completely wrong.
Father roles are a variety of... A father who is the source of the family economy and who provides his authority through money but whose emotional efficiency is weak; a father who became a symbol of fear within the family and who provided discipline with this system of fear; And a father who has difficulty in passing on his promise, and who has even handed over almost all of the duties to the mother. All in all, the ideal is to be in the role of a caring, disciplined, but not intimidating father who can carry emotions, divide responsibility with the mother.
Formation of Father-Child Relationship
Even if the notion that "motherhood starts from pregnancy, but when the father holds it becomes a father" is common, I don't fully agree. Yes, the mother and baby have a period of bonding during pregnancy and postpartum months, especially during the breastfeeding process. But in fact, fathers are also an active part of the process, since the decision was made to bring a child into the world. It is becoming increasingly common for the father to exist during pregnancy, in the stages of preparation, even at birth.
Sometimes there are fathers who have difficulty embracing and caring for the baby after childbirth. Now let's try to understand their feelings: they may not want to take on it thinking it's a femininity role, or they may believe that you can't see the baby as a sensitive being and look after it. But fathers should also understand that when they contribute to his care, they will send a message: "I am interested in you, I care about you, and I am willing to have a father-child relationship with you."
In the first months, the baby does not see a distinction between himself and his mother, he feels as part of it, as an extension. Between the ages of 1 and 2, the concept of 'me' begins to develop and the father's position becomes more critical. Because for the baby, the father is the first 'other' in his life. The baby, who sees himself and the mother in one piece, now realizes that there is another element. Witnessing the same-partner relationship between the parents, she realizes that the mother is not solely hers. Although this is difficult for him, it is the first step towards opening up to the outside world, learning about sociality.
What Does Dad Add?
-The child begins to comprehend the roles of men and women and the difference between the way they relate to the world through the father.
-While the mother can approach in a more playful and childish style, the language often used by the father is more adult. Therefore, the father opens a new door to the outside world in the development of the child's language.
-The father is the basis of the child's learning of the concept of trust. The boundaries drawn by the father, his rules, give the child a framework in which he feels confident and protected.
-The way the child establishes a future relationship is influenced by how the father approaches the mother and how she sees it.
What Is Not What?
Finally, I'd like to make a few points that I've heard from time to time that I think are confusing.
The child sleeping with the mother and the father sleeping apart. Exceptions, of course. But especially from the age of 2, since the socialization process I mentioned earlier will begin, the child should be able to see that the parents are having an affair. Otherwise, separation and individualization from the mother can be prevented.
The sex life of wives. For the same reason, he needs to understand that they have a personal life. At this point, it is expected that you will have questions and curiosities about sexuality in your mind, although it does not reflect on you. If parents can't feel that they have a 'special' life in their private spaces, this natural curiosity can't sprout.
Having things to hide from the father. From a young age, but most of all, for adolescence, what we have to pay attention to is the lack of secrets in the family. Including exdating something secret from the father in order to help the child! There may be false messages like "So we can be one with my mother and cheat on my father", "We don't always have to be honest". You're not his accomplice, you should be the one who taught him to take responsibility by telling the truth.
Good cop-bad cop. One parent should not always take on the fun parts that play games, and the other should not take on responsibilities such as doing homework and warning. One suffers and the other continues to grieve, undermining family dynamics. And the bad cop can wear it out!
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