We know the negative effects of punishment on children. But the awards aren't innocent either. A child loses his inner motivation for something for which he receives a reward. For a child who receives an award for reading a book, reading a book loses its charm, it becomes what it does for an object. It is also very possible to give up reading books when this object disappears or its importance decreases. On this topic 4 years he mentioned a study with his children. One group of children is constantly rewarded for their painting, and the other group of children are not awarded. After a while, the researchers observe the children's free time. It is found that children who receive awards for drawing pictures do not prefer painting compared to those who do not receive awards.
The anecdotes he didn't mention in his books were the most enjoyable parts of the seminar for me. Aletha describes being subjected to verbal taunts by a certain group of children every day while walking to a friend's house. This person, who is also a psychologist, tells the children, “keep making fun of me, I'll give you 1 lira every day.” The children are ecstatic, and the next day their number increases. This time he's giving 50 cents to those who make fun of him. 25 cents the next day. As the amount decreases, the children break down and stop joking. Even though they didn't get anything before, they now prefer to say “it's not worth” and not do their behavior, even for a small amount. Rewards are like hidden traps.
Blaming and tagging a child in behavior problems is too easy for many parents. However, there are 3 main reasons for this behavior. 1) a genuine and reasonable need of the child (hunger, insomnia, proximity, such as the need for movement) 2) do not have information about the child (that will not enter the house with muddy shoes, dirty carpet can be difficult to clean as they can get, and 3) the child is an accumulated tension/ trauma-induced stress unhealed available (to feel safe, birth trauma, bullying at school, etc. as).
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