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Home Life Mother Child We talked with the sign of Kutluk about the fear of childbirth

We talked with the sign of Kutluk about the fear of childbirth

We are going through a process that has never happened in the history of the world. We can't separate the issues of birth and motherhood from this situation. I, for my part, have been working for 2 and a half years completely focused on the subject of childbirth. 1 year ago, I wrote the book “birth” and it was a journey that began with this. Then I started organizing some trainings. Both institutions and communities. What I'm trying to share there is this new lifestyle – I say it's New because it's not very old, this urban life history – and to draw attention to some of the problems that women are experiencing here and try to go to the solution together. This journey continues. On this journey, I have met people like me who have given their heart to this issue. I realized that I wasn't alone in this, that it was Birth volunteers. There are people who choose this as a profession, for example, doctors, midwives, doulas; and there are people who are trying to make a voice about it, both in the world and in Turkey. Now I'm trying to bring this issue to the online platform. The issues I'm talking about are the issues that have been talked about and implemented in the world for a long time. 

The thing I'm talking about most in my book is that we're actually afraid of the unknown. We are afraid because it is an experience that we do not know, that we have not experienced before. But now we know many things better. Putting aside the issues that already need to be done about childbirth, we know a lot more about COVID and childbirth. 2 doctors from the Istanbul maternity Academy, Hakan Bey and Selcuk Bey made good statements on this issue and often share on their sites. Are you going into labor alone? Can you have someone with you? How are you supposed to behave if you're a mother from covid? Does it pass to the child? Such concerns now have answers. There was no Dec. At that time, I think, it was a time when fear was more intense.Dec. We're a little more comfortable now. But, of course, I still don't think this day is an easy time for expectant mothers. 

I understand that very well. Children want to be with children. Or they want to be with people who will play like children. For example, my daughter Arven is a dinosaur freak, this has been going on for 2 and a half years. I also like to play with a dinosaur, but at some point I can want to do something else. In that case, reinforcements are really needed. I think our traditional family structure helps a lot at times like this. Aunt, uncle, uncle, sister-in-law, cousin, whoever it is, I think it should be mobilized to support children during these periods. In general, there is this solidarity in our culture. It's very important to do business in families with a single father and mother. I also think it is very important for mothers who are alone to prepare creative material before entering this period. After dinner, we paint, for example, after that we read books for a while, and then we move a little bit in the garden or where we are, if any. Lunch, then watch something, mini-documentaries for children, for example, or cartoons. Something can be traced to the subject they are curious about. Arven, how was the world built? For example, he wonders about it. Or “what was the first tree"” he asked me that question the other day. Find materials like this that they can watch. Of course, your mother's 10-15 minutes. it is also very important that he can devote time to himself, create a space where he can breathe and realign. For example, it's very good to give me a facial. I think it's one of the most important things to never delay bedtime and not keep the child's rate of watching things too high. In other words, creating a system just like there is a school can be very helpful during this period. 

A woman who gave birth years ago, a woman who will give birth years later, a woman in Africa, a woman in Turkey, more or less say the same phrases and express the pre-and post-birth. Where else would you find such an experience? The thought of pre-natal fear, what if fear came later, was one of those in my head. Fear, the emotion here, is one of the 6 basic emotions. I always think it's important to get to the root of that feeling. The process of preparing for childbirth is a process in which it is very natural for the mother to go through some feelings within herself. I even think that 9 months and 10 days is a wonderfully calculated process and prepares a mother to become a mother.  This period is a little examining the fears, going through them, leaving some behind... I think they exist so we can understand them. There's a question of what to do with a sense of fear: so are we going to run away or stay in it?  It has something to do with our body's working system. Both could be true. But natural birth, natural birth, vaginal birth, whichever you want to say... when you say normal birth in Turkey, someone like “cesarean section is also normal” comes out of the perception. But since birth is a natural vaginal birth, I call it a natural birth. C-section is an emergency operation. Aiming for a normal birth, while targeting each state or if we are in an open state, anything can happen – the baby could decide to come early, come late may decide to be a complication current may lead to the birth of our desire and determination to normal, if so then that feeling of korkuyu also have a place to stay. I mean, how long can you stay in that feeling and how long can you hold that space. I invite you to experience it as a place where you can stay there and feel that you are safe even in that feeling, and that you are safe in this whole journey as well.

When someone here says “I'm so scared” about childbirth, you have to look at this: where did this fear come from? How do I know about childbirth? I've never experienced it because I've never experienced it before. If we say “a lot,” then there's a load on the body about it. Where did I get that feeling? Have I been given some birth stories? Did my neighbor tell me, “oh, how hard I gave birth”? Or have I seen some very difficult birth scenes in some movies? For example, I was very impressed by the scene of not being able to make it to the hospital that I saw in the movie. It was the worst birth story for me. “If I can't get either”. At that time, I was living in zekeriyaköy, a little far from the hospital where I wanted to give birth. And it was snowing that year. The female mind may not be able to initiate labor just because of this fear of” if I don't catch up". My fear was that I couldn't keep up. What Have I done? I've visited all the hospitals where I want to give birth. Then I reduced it to 1. I've made all the uncertainties specific. My doctor, my substitute doctor, my midwife, how long I can go that distance, whether my midwife can come home if it snows, etc. I've made all the factors obvious. I'm not always like this alive. I don't dig and research every topic so much, but this topic was a very important topic for me. Apart from that, I did meditation, breathing and affirmation studies. When I calmed down with breathing and meditation, I told myself the opposite of that thought. It's like,” I'm catching up, everything's going well." So if we can find emotion and thought, we can find a way to relax in return. 

I understand the worry. It's called TTT, skin-to-skin contact. It's one of the most important issues in the world now. If the mother is not available at the time, let's say there was a caesarean section and the mother had to be taken somewhere else, I'm talking about a bad scenario, in which case, for example, skin contact is made in such a way as to give the father's skin. I think it's one of the most important issues. It is very important that the child is placed in the chest before the cord is cut. There are videos about it. The child is placed in the abdomen and as soon as he is born, he smells the milk and starts to climb up to the breast and suck it. So we're actually talking about such a perfect system. We can do a study on this issue, which we call our birth preferences. If we had a chance to work with a midwife or doula, let's make a list of our birth preferences by including it. One issue that can make the list is the topic of skin-to-skin contact. Share this list with your obstetrician, pediatrician, midwife, doula, whoever you are going to work with. It is very important that you want to be faithful to them and address this issue before birth. I've done that and my team has been very supportive. It's very valuable to be going on the same level as them because it's very difficult to say “Let me tell you this” during childbirth. It is important that a person who will support you, your partner, mother, or whoever you want with you, master them. Going back to the topic of TTT, it is one of the issues that have started to be paid the most attention in Turkey. 2 hours is a very long time in the children's world. Staying away from the main source for 2 hours means an unsafe environment. So it's very valuable to put it in the chest as soon as it's born.

All the information was very valuable. I'm sure it was an answer to a lot of questions for the audience, too. Thank you very much. 
You're welcome! See you.


Read: Corona during pregnancy and childbirth

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