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Is it a 'syndrome' of 2 years old?

There are certain basic characteristics of this natural process, in which parent and child conflict occurs. For example, children often say 'no', opposing almost everything. But what's going on? And why is it happening?

Children aspire to do a lot of things on their own during this period, but when they can't do it exactly as they want, they face their own limitations. This brings with it frustration and anger.  The verbal abilities of this age group are limited. They have difficulty expressing themselves exactly as they want to be. Their speed of thought and verbal abilities are out of sync. It is unbearable for them not to be fully understood!  In this process, children strive to demonstrate that their parent does not have a 'limb', that they are an independent individual, that they desire to be separated. Self-acceptance and acceptance becomes a vital need. Parents may take this struggle personally from time to time. They may even think that this situation of their child is 'spoiled', 'cheeky'. During this period, the aim of children is not to annorize adults, but to reveal their individual identity, to differentiate, to grow and to become subjects. Revealing their original identity is an existential struggle in itself.


So what can parents do to support their children in this process?


  • First of all, it is necessary to avoid giving orders. The anterior region of the brains of children who obey orders is inactive. In order to mobilize this region, it is important to encourage the child to think, to support his responsibility, to allow him to make decisions.


  • It's important to make children feel that you understand their feelings and behaviors. You can do this by depicting what you feel and observe.  Example : 'You want to buy toys at every opportunity. You're sorry you didn't get it.'


  • Children may be inclined to take a dissenting attitude by their nature during this period. You can take care to make logical inquiries.


Sample dialogue :(When you insist on wearing summer shoes)

Mom: Is it raining or sunny today?

Child: Rainy.

Mom: So what do we wear in rainy weather?

Boy: Our boots.


  • You can try to offer options. Choosing from certain possibilities also reinforces the child's self-esteem. It reduces your chances of conflict.


Sample dialog:

Mom: Do you want to wear your boots before your coat or after?

Boy: Later.


  • You can meet the resistance with the game. The important point here is to set boundaries, not to offend the child, not to offend and to be consistent.


Sample dialog:

Dad: You can put toy cars on the floor in boxes.

Boy: No, I want to dance!

Dad: Great idea! As soon as you're done collecting, let's go dancing!


  • Instead of underlining what children can't do, it's very effective to refer to their efforts.


Sample dialog:

Mother: It takes strength to move the toy house (while the child is carrying it).

Boy: I'm strong.


Sample dialog:

Kid: I'm done with my homework.

Dad: You've patiently finished it all. You've tried so hard.


To the days when we could focus on their needs without tagging our children...


Source: Isabelle Filliozat (No Perfect Parent)

Aletha Solter (Listen to Your Child)

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