If I said that the answer to the questions we asked above is hidden in infancy and that whatever lies at the heart of the relationships depends on the relationship that she has with the basic caregiver who is closest to the baby... For most people, this is the mother, the mother who biologically gave birth and took on postpartum care, or the baby who undertakes this care, the first person with whom she relates.
In summary, mother and baby form a relationship, which serves as an exemplary knitting motif for lifelong relationships with other people. That is, whatever is in that sample motif, the rest of the weave is processed accordingly. So, let's take a look at the first days and months with our baby.
Attachment, that is, the intense emotional relationship between the baby and the caregiver, begins before pregnancy, when parents want to have a baby. Therefore, in the case of an un planned pregnancy, it is important that the parents are able to complete the emotional preparation in the period leading up to birth. The type of attachment begins to take shape from the first days after birth.
Anxious: If the mother's sensitivity to the baby is not consistent, that is, she sometimes meets her needs, but often overlooks it, the baby struggles to feel a sense of security. He is anxious and difficult to relax, because he needs unspecified attention and care when he will arrive.
Apathetic: In cases where the mother is indifferent to the messages given by the baby and refuses to have a close relationship, the baby becomes increasingly indifferent to the mother. There is the development of an individual who does not feel an emotional difference between the presence or absence of the caregiver, usually does not make eye contact and as a result has difficulty developing a sense of trust in people.
Mixed: It is a form of attachment in which feelings of fear and peace are mixed. The mother can act angry or fearful when she cannot meet the needs of the baby. It scares the baby, but at the same time, he can't stop feeling attached to it. Traumatic experiences, losses and domestic conflicts in the mother's past can trigger the formation of this species.
Safe: The ideal type of attachment. The mother observes and meets the needs of the baby, shows her food, care and emotional affinity. The baby learns that he is valuable, that he can trust people, that he can be loved and loved.
As you can see, 'safe attachment' affects the baby to become a mentally healthy individual in his future life. So, in order to achieve this, let's review the key points for parents:
• Love and safe attachment are not the same thing. So beyond loving your baby, it's how much and how you meet her needs.
• When we say need, not only physical ones such as sleep and nutrients, but also laughing with your baby, having a pleasant time, your sensual contact or even your voice are equally important.
• It is essential not to be a mother of perfection who does not miss anything, but to be a mother who strives not to miss. When she cries and you can't find a way to calm her down, even the effort to understand her solidifies your relationship.
• It can be a question mark as to whether meeting every request of the baby will spoil it. The answer is no. The baby, of course, must learn to wait and calm down. But instead of being indifferent to the need alt all the time, you should make her feel that you are there when she cries when she wants to eat or can't sleep, and that you can support her for it. This can happen by touching, by your voice, by eye contact, or by your own unique behavior.
• In order to give him this care, you must meet your own needs. Your sleep, your diet, your feeling good are a prerequisite for all other factors.
• In order to calm your baby down and make them feel safe, you must first create your own calming methods and safe spaces. Breathing exercises, yoga, a walk, a coffee... Whatever's good for you, you have to give it a place in your life.
• Of course it's hard to do this alone! Therefore, you should create a support network with other family members, friends, in short, everyone you can get help from, especially your partner.
• And finally, every baby is special, has its own language, expression. Listen carefully, the difference in the tone of each cry, every hand gesture, every gesture, they all tell you something. Secure attachment is strengthened as you discover that common language with your baby and respond to it in that language.
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