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Home Life Mother Child How to approach the sibling conflict

How to approach the sibling conflict

Every family with at least two children will one day experience sibling conflict. This is an extremely universal and natural process. Sibling conflicts allow the individual to develop personality development, problem solving, coping with difficult individuals, managing competition, understanding and respecting the other's ideas, developing skills of reconciliation and agreement, resilience, resistance.


So when siblings clash, what attitude should parents take to avoid causing permanent psychological damage?

• First, parents need to take an internal journey. It is important to examine how many children the family has, what is the reaction of their own parent when they clash with their siblings, how this affects them, what they need in these processes as children. Because uncorraged wounds resuscitate between the child and the parent after becoming a mother, father. So the ghost of childhood is walking around. My clinical observation; it shows that the parent who has a small child in the family can better understand the younger one of their own children, and the older child in the family can empathize more easily with the older child.


• It is also very valuable for parents to evaluate their own position. "Has anything I done positively/negatively affected the relationship between my children?", "How is my relationship with my own siblings as a parent and how do my children observe it?"


• Every child needs time to get enough of their parents and feel love and attention without sharing. Spending individual time with all children in possible opportunities will allow for wonderful childhood memories.


• From time to time, children use sentences that indicate negativity about their siblings. "I hate my sister," like, "I wish it never happened." Parents often claim otherwise. They say things like, "No, of course you love your sister, you're a little confused today!" However, it is not possible to build positives without children's negative feelings going out. "Sometimes you find your sister unbearable", "You wish it never happened", giving the child's sentences back to him makes him feel understood. These reflections of the parent support the child's understanding of their feelings.


Playing family games,traveling, making programs allows all family members to get close. The important point here is that you can't do it. directing children to games that enable collaboration, rather than competitive games. Especially if the conflicting brothers can be a team in the game, the process is not eaten by taste.


• One of the greatest goals of human beings in life is to feel loved. Children wonder who their parents like more and frantically search for the answer. However, no child wants to hear that he is loved more. Because it's scary. A parent who can distinguish their children, even if it is in their favor, causes anxiety in the child. Children basically want to hear that they're unique. "No one has your gaze, your thoughtfulness, your feelings. You're the one. You're my darling daughter."


• In general, parents feel like they have to treat each of their children equally. But it's more about focusing on need than equality. If a child needs you more at the time, it makes sense to express it. "You're right, you're right I've been chatting with your brother for a long time because he's got a tournament tomorrow, and that's important. We have things to plan for. I know it's hard to be patient. As soon as we're done, I'll come to you and we'll play that wonderful game", which gives the child a sense that his parents will take care of all their children in the moment of need.


• Any comparison strains the relations between the brothers. Rhetoric like "Your sister always did her homework when she was your age" can lead to the child's conclusion that "If I'm not the best at good, then I'm the best at evil." On the other hand, if an area where the child is superior to the other is noticed, there is no need to express these characteristics in the presence of the other child.


• Enabling children to express conflicts creatively is very effective. For example, if you want to express your anger by hitting your brother, you say to the boy, "I can't let anyone hurt each other in this house. You can show your feelings on dolls/pilgrims", "you can draw your feelings, you can write" approach makes much more sense.


• In some cases, things get out of hand and the brothers physically and emotionally abuse each other. The position of the parent in this process is very important. Parents should avoid taking sides in conflicts.

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