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How do uninterested or overly related fathers affect children?

  • When the father does not feel his presence and support to the child, one foot of the child remains idle, feeling incomplete, worthless and inadequate. 
  • For the child, the Father represents power. Seeing the strength of the father acts as a support and support for the child. Children can sometimes look confident and strong from the outside. However, in order to grow up, they need to see the power of the father and lean on him to create a power in which they can lean on themselves. But the more they see that power and lean on it, the stronger they can feel. They will be able to build a force within themselves that can withstand difficulties, deficiencies, and grow them. When this does not happen, it may be inevitable that they will form a structure dependent on the other, always seeking support from another, not confident and giving up quickly in the face of difficulties.
  • The father is the gateway to the social world for the child. The child and mother cannot separate when the father is not involved in the mother - child relationship. The child cannot open up to the outside world, and has difficulty establishing social relations. In order for the child to establish social relations, he must first be able to move away from the dependent relationship with the mother, which only happens when the child feels the presence of the father. It is possible by seeing that the mother is not with him at all times, realizing that she also shares the mother with the father. 
  • As the father provides brake function for the child, it provides space to express their feelings comfortably. He knows that the father is there when the child does something wrong or is in danger, and thus he feels free. However, when the father is not there, the child may hesitate to act, express his feelings, because he feels in a car without brakes. He may not be able to take action at all, with the concern that he will not be stopped when he does wrong and does wrong. He can experience an audience in the emotional and academic field, not take action and take active actions. 
  • A boy becomes a man, gains his sexual identity through his father. It tracks how the father has characteristics, how he treats his mother, and these experiences are quite decisive on how the child will become a man in the future. If the father is indifferent to the child, the child will consider himself worthless. If he encounters an angry and intolerant father, he will also have difficulty controlling his anger in the future. The presence of the father and his attitude to the boy has a very important effect on how the child will become a man and father in the future.   
  • The nature of the relationship that the girl will establish with the opposite sex depends on the role of the father in this process. If the father ignores the child, a similar dynamic will occur in their relationship with the opposite sex when it feels too harsh, worthless and insignificant. 

  • Children want to think that they know everything, that they can afford everything, and they can find it difficult to put up with the inadequacies of being a child. But children must first face a number of prohibitions and abstinence at home in order for their tolerance to be prevented and to be able to withstand negative situations to develop, to withstand disappointments. A child who does everything he wants so that he does not get upset or cry cannot wait, delay, and grow up. In order for this capacity to develop, fathers must set constructivist prohibitions, learn to wait, not do everything they want immediately, teach them that they cannot achieve certain things. The rules are like the car brake, in order for the child to learn to stop himself, this brake must be provided to the child by the father first.      
  • Although being a loser in a game for children or not being able to achieve what they want is a difficult situation to bear, it is a necessary condition for the child to experience for healthy spiritual development. Sometimes fathers can move into a powerless position in front of the child so that their children do not feel sad, feel bad or get angry. They can deliberately defeat the child in the game, pretend that they can't do some things, or say that children are stronger than themselves. When this is the case, first of all, the child thinks that the father is his own peer and does not follow the rules he has set. More importantly, the boy competes with the father, wants to see that he is stronger than the father, but then recognizes and accepts the father's power, so that both the spiritual maturation takes place and the rules set by the parent are accepted. But when the father does not take the strong position mentioned here, the child thinks that he is the judge of the house.
  • When the father does not provide the child with a brake function in necessary situations, the child feels in an emotional void, engages in risky actions and behaviors, can push boundaries as if they are endangering themselves. In childhood, it can often turn into a form of behavioral disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.  
  • A child who is not faced with prohibitions and rules at home by his father also experiences various difficulties in school and social relations. In a friendship relationship, he wants everything to be his own way. He's always in the centre and he wants to be a winner, he wants to manage everyone and dominate everything. Sharing and waiting is quite difficult. They may resort to bullying or have temper tantrums on other children when they have something other than what they want.
  • Another area of difficulty is seen in school. A child who cannot delay his wishes, who cannot wait, cannot wait for his turn in school, cannot gather his attention in lessons, has difficulty doing his homework. A child who does everything he wants at home and does not meet the limits set by the father also has difficulty in following the rules of the school, the instructions of the teacher in school, often makes movements that disrupt the Class Order. 

  • Thanks to a related father; the boy learns masculinity and sexual development by taking the father as a model, through his relationship with the father. A boy goes through a period when he admires the mother and wants to replace the father at the age of 3. He competes with the father, thinking that he is stronger than the father. It is extremely important that fathers can stay away from attitudes that will break the child's self-confidence and make them feel worthless. A language that both reminds the father of his supportive and childlike position, such as’ what do you know‘,’ you can't‘, and’ you can do it when you grow up', which motivates the child to grow up instead of 'you are small now, but you can do it when you grow up', also gives the child significant gains in the future.    
  • In the development of a girl, the father is the first male figure that the child encounters. Around the age of 3, the girl enters into competition with the mother, wants to take the place of the mother and become the father's favorite. It is extremely important that your father can establish a balance between them decisively. In this process, the father, who both makes the child feel valuable and important and protects the place and value of the mother in the eyes of the child, prepares his daughter for the future in a healthy way. Thanks to the father, who does not criticize the mother next to the child, the child comes out of this period with a healthy motivation to grow and mature, realizing that he cannot replace the mother, but that he can be loved by someone like his father when he grows up and becomes a woman like his mother. 
  • With the presence of the father and his beautiful words such as ‘Princess daughter’ , ‘beautiful daughter’ , ‘smart daughter’, the child finds himself valuable and worth loving. A daughter who is loved by her father can only be a woman who is loved and valued in the future. He is otherwise able to form relationships in which he is battered and mistreated.
  • A participating father who spends time with his children, deals with their problems, will also share responsibilities with the mother, so that the mother can be more tolerant and understanding towards their children. It decays conflicts between mother and child. 

 

Bonus: 5 films special for Father's Day 2020


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