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Home Life Mother Child 9 recommendations for perfectionist mothers

9 recommendations for perfectionist mothers

"Aside from the extreme anxiety and uncertainty caused by the Covid pandemic, the online education process and the moving of the office home mostly affected mothers and children. Especially the feelings of inadequacy felt by mothers with a perfectionist structure made them feel guilty and helpless, which led to increased conflicts in their relationship with their child and the dominance of negative emotions. With this vicious cycle, mothers developed behavioral problems by feeling exhausted and tired, while children felt emotionally unhappy in this conflicted, self-control relationship,” he says. Expert psychologist Cansu Ivecen, in his statement within the scope of Mother's day, explained the problems caused by perfectionist motherhood syndrome in both mothers and children; he made 9 important recommendations specific to Perfectionist mothers.   

As part of the unrealistic expectations of the mother's child, the expectation of success to the extent that it does not correspond to its existing potential causes anxiety about success in children. In addition, failure to meet them in accordance with the beliefs and expectations that the mother has about her own motherhood, and having problems with the child, can cause anxiety about failure.

Children can reflect their conflict and negative emotions with various behavioral problems. The important thing here is to look for an answer to the question “What need is he trying to express with this behavior”, rather than why the child does this behavior and how we will end it, and to look at it from this point of view. During this period, resistance, nail eating, hair plucking, crying attacks, etc. different behavior can be seen from a number of routines.

Along with changing routines, expectations that everything will be smooth and perfect in the home stress the mother, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy in children and causing them to feel depressed.

During the pandemic period, the continued uncertainty about Covid and the restriction of activities to be held in the home faced perfectionist mothers and children socially and emotionally. With this limitation, perfectionist mothers ' desire to control this time spent in the home in the best way causes children's anxiety to increase...

Household chores, child care, and the fact that some mothers continue their existing work during this period can sometimes lead to difficulties and burnout in the sense that they can be enough for everything.

In the home, the mother's expectations for herself and other individuals are high and these expectations cannot be met, which can lead to increased domestic problems. Differences in opinion that occur at the point of approach to the child or the desire of a perfectionist mother to keep her partner under control in the domestic order cause conflicts and unrest.

Mothers who have this kind of structure can also try to make their own work flawless in the workplace. Continuing these problems at home can cause a person to feel emotionally depressed, experience difficulty in attention and concentration. This can affect his work efficiency and make him face the result they fear again.

The idea that some things are not going well in the family affects general family communication, causing people to feel angry at each other and to suffer psychological damage by reflecting on each other in situations where they cannot cope with this feeling. 

Expert psychologist Cansu Ivecen said: "For Every Mother, Her child is undoubtedly very special and unique. He cares about his child being happy in life and wants to see them in good places. But sometimes this desire to raise a successful and perfect child, which we approach with Good Will in essence, can both negatively affect your relationship with the child and damage its psychological impact and self-confidence, faith in success,” he says. Expert psychologist Cansu Ivecen, 9 May Mother's day within the scope of his statement, perfectionist mothers made 9 important recommendations: 

  • Approach each child in accordance with your child's age and development, and evaluate each child in its own private way. 
  • Your child has as many strengths as you see as weak. Support its development by exploring these aspects. 
  • Set small goals that your child can achieve in the first step, without resorting to comparisons with other children or your own childhood, in accordance with their capacity and development. 
  • Avoid negative rhetoric and behavior when it does not comply with your expectations. 
  • Children learn by making mistakes and with the correct guidance of their parents. He should not always be expected to behave correctly and perfectly. Encourage him to try again on a topic that you don't think he's doing well enough.
  • As a result of the child's behavior, you may have achieved some results that do not meet your expectations. But encourage it by appreciating the effort it makes in the process rather than the result.
  • Give them the opportunity to do some things instead of them about situations where your children can't do well enough. Determine the responsibilities appropriate to his level, which he can achieve again during this opportunity.
  • Instead of punishing your child for behavior that does not meet your expectations, question it about what may be the underlying need for this behavior.
  • Think about what your expectations are for you as an adult, such as success, perfection that occurs through a child, whether you are aware of it or not. Take a break to streamline your emotions by scanning your own body in moments and situations when you're struggling, realizing what's going on. 


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