The covid-19 pandemic, the epidemic of the century that deeply shook our daily life habits, is undoubtedly a difficult and unprecedented process. In a world where the outside is dangerous and sometimes forbidden; the office, decongest, coffee break, School, School Garden, restaurant, movie theater, therapy room, gym and every other living space is squeezed into the house, inside. Individuals living in the same house see each other so often and closely for the first time, witnessing each other's days, physically and spiritually. As such, problems in couples ' relationships under the same roof are also increasing. Deniz Keskin, a specialist clinical psychologist at Acıbadem International Hospital, said: “research shows that divorce rates are increasing, relationship problems are worsening, and problems in parent-child relationships are intensifying all over the world, regardless of cultural and socioeconomic level. In pre-Covid-19 times, it is observed that even couples who progress towards their union begin to experience various conflicts within the quarantine processes and resort to psychotherapy with relational complaints. However, it is natural that this rapid and unprepared change has compelling effects for every couple, and we need to be able to keep the bonds safe, the inside protected, as we go through these complex times,” he says. So, what are the ways to increase decency under the same roof, maintain healthy communication together? Expert clinical psychologist Deniz Keskin explained these ways, gave important warnings and recommendations.
Being a couple doesn't mean doing everything together and living every experience with the same feelings. Intimacy sometimes brings with it the illusion of sameness. But one of the most important things that makes a union healthy is to decouple space and differences between two people. With the beginning of the pandemic period, we began to give very different emotions, physical and spiritual reactions. Both you and your partner may feel bad. Let it be expressed and heard. We experience many emotions and reactions, such as fear, panic, obsessive behavior, denial, anger, dimming, restlessness, insomnia, increased or loss of appetite. Moreover, for example, while you remain cool in the face of the same news or situation, your partner may experience intense panic or a need for control. When you say your own feelings, try to approach your partner's inner world in a way that also opens up space, ask him what he feels. Although it has been a long time since the Coronavirus outbreak began, it is still new for everyone to be alone with an uncanny and unexpected phenomenon such as the pandemic.
Proximity is not possible with barbed wire. During a pandemic, increased feelings of stress and composure can trigger many different emotions in our inner world, and incriminating attitudes towards the other can increase. On the other hand, it is important not to forget that our partner can also experience similar vulnerabilities and mixed emotions. Thinking a little more than usual before judging and emphasizing everything from small to large that can be appreciated will help us feel safe and valued in the relationship. You can turn it into a game and at the end of each day you can imagine in your mind the three things that are good for you that day in your partner, you can share them with him before bed, you can invite him to this “game”.
In the pre-pandemic era, plans and frameworks were concrete things given to us from the outside. We can talk about the most general frames with examples such as being somewhere else, planning yourself according to traffic, having separate clothes outside and inside. Being at home has blurred that frame. Although working hours offer a limit, every person has difficulty planning the day both during working days and during free times. In addition to distance education, especially for those with children, school and recess times at home are observed to be mixed. Homeschooling has actually placed an implicit and unprepared burden on all families. New responsibilities were added, both in the roles of couples against each other and in the roles of Parents Against Children. In this reality, planning the day is more valuable than ever. First, the weekend will offer a protective border to map the day, starting with times when every individual in the house is more free. Try planning the day starting on a Sunday. A chart can be proposed where everyone has time individually and together. One of the most critical points here will again be for everyone to respect each other's space, their curiosity, the need for relaxation, and to make room for yawning and changes when a plan is made.
Expert clinical psychologist Deniz Keskin said: "there will of course be discussions. Conflicts in relationships existed before the pandemic, and will happen now. On the other hand, it is just as important where the discussions are held as it is how they are held. Babies, children and young people feel their parents ' feelings, tensions between them.Dec. The couple's arguments, though not in front of the children, belong to that house and affect everyone in the House. On the other hand, it is also important for the health of the relationship to protect the areas where couples with children can make room for all aspects of the relationship and talk about everything. Create breaks so that you can comfortably discuss issues with your partner without clogging up communication. You can go for a walk with your partner and make a change of weather and devote time to specific topics that you want to talk to him about,” he says.
In each household, the division of work, the distribution of tasks between partners is decidedly different. In our society, mainly women take on household and child care duties; this task is attributed to women. On the other hand, this situation, which creates an unequal power dynamic for both men and women, can lead to conflicts and passive aggressive actions at home. Each couple is unique and it is important to plan a balance in each house's special. Try creating a work section schedule with your partner. If you have children, give them responsibilities according to their age, build teams, and determine small rewards for the most regular completion of their tasks. Not only for children, but also for adults, play is a need.
With the covid-19 pandemic, many new responsibilities and constraints have entered our lives. During this period, you may feel that your partner is not putting enough effort or care into it, and you may be more angry with him than ever. It is important to note that extraordinary situations that trigger anxiety make us more open to mistakes and accidents. Don't make assumptions when you see a relational issue that is messing with your mind in your relationship with your partner or children. We can't even read the mind of the person closest to us. But we can ask him what he thinks, we can wonder and listen to him. Simply tell me what's in your eye, what it makes you feel, and why you're wondering why he's acting like this. Listen to the opponent. Listening is an action that activates our complex cognitive skills, which we lack and avoid much more than it seems. During the period we are in, it is seen that listening decreases inversely proportional to the increase in stress levels. However, the most effective way to find the opportunity to think together and deepen the relationship is to listen to the one we encounter.
Expert clinical psychologist Deniz Keskin “in clinical studies, it is stated that most divorced couples avoid receiving psychological support before separation. Sometimes it seems much easier to ignore problems than to say that there is a problem. We live in a social pressure where asking for help is doomed to connotations of weakness or helplessness. However, asking for help is strong, and getting support is a hopeful step. Conflicts may not have been resolved by the methods you tried until that day, and they may have left you in a tight feeling. Sometimes a professional third eye, an unbiased look to hear and listen to the couple, is a critical way to solve problems in the relationship. Feel free to get help when you feel needed."he says.
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